Fuck life.

Life's not fun if its suppose to be like this. If everyday's routine were to be the same, I rather quit school and enjoy life. If school were to bring me so much agony I rather be an idiot in the mental hospital. If studying was suppose to kill me, than I rather die. But if I were to die, It's thanks to you. Who?
My mother. The one who had me for 10months suffering in her stomach and its just a wrong decision to give birth to me. Who says why she is suffering for such a fucked up daughter. Who says i'm an idiot yet wants me to study. Who shouts like a crazy women whenever she likes. Who threaten to beat me whenever I lost my control to argue with her. Who thinks i'm suppose to stand there like a punching bag for her to slap and hit without moving. And to keep quiet when she goes on with her unreasonable words. To force me to do something I don't like and control my life like i'm worst off than a pet. This is what she emphasis as " caring ".
I'm not a robot. I've my feelings and my thinkings. I know what I wanna do. I don't need you to remind me in this manner. Yeah, I tried so hard to ignore all this. But I can't. I didn't thought of not studying I just want to do so not in the stressful manner. Why am I spending time to watch tv rather than study and complete my homework when I've free time, because that's me. I like it this way. I want to enjoy my life and study at the same time. I don't want to be so fucking lifeless, I tried to be so cheerful, but how? When life starts showing me that it's wrong, I can't make it right.